This was written and published on Facebook on Monday, July 17, 2017.
I feel like it needs to be here, too.
This morning, I became a part of BEAST MODE week at Oak Hill Christian Service Camp. The lesson I taught was about Lazarus’ death. I read through the lesson quite a few times gearing up to teach today, but as I was actually teaching it – and looking at the questions Heather had laid out for me to ask, Jesus spoke directly to me.
See, one of Heather’s questions following the passage was “Why was Martha crying?” The simple answer is that she was sad that her brother died.
But really, don’t you think she was upset that Jesus waited TWO DAYS to come? By the time he arrived, Lazarus had been in the tomb for FOUR DAYS.
Sure, Jesus could raise Lazarus from the dead, but he also could’ve healed him before he died.
But that wasn’t the point – the point was that Mary and Martha BELIEVED that Jesus could do anything and so they saw the Glory of God.
Over the past 20 days since daddy first went to OBX Hospital, I’ve had moments where I question why it’s taking so long to get an answer… I’ve had moments of frustration when tests that were designed to tell us what was going on in his heart weren’t telling us anything. I’ve cried in that frustration of a lack on concrete answers and direction.
I admitted this much to two different groups of 3rd-5th graders and their counselors.
But then I read the scripture in the image posted above…
John 11:40, “Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” (NIV)
Let’s hold hands with Romans 8:28
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Ella did not sit in my classes, opting to play with Joe on the playground even though it is her age group at this week of camp. She didn’t hear me talk about her Pop’s surgery and the possible outcomes. So in the car on the way home, she started asking some questions about Pop and his surgery. I couldn’t hold back my tears when she asked, with all the innocence in the world, if Pop could die.
I answered her honestly through my tears and then reiterated that we’re focusing on the facts of Pop’s case and our FAITH in God.
She said the sweetest prayer for Pop’s healing and for his doctors. I couldn’t help but hold back sobs as I drove listening to her. Then, the kids asked for the radio and what song was on? “Thy Will Be Done” by Hillary Scott. This song has come to me in many moments since I first heard it – all moments I needed it’s message deeply. I’m listening to it now. Sobbing as I type.
There are moments when those who have been around me wonder how on Earth I’m not more of a wreck knowing what’s possible next week. To that I say, “God hold my daddy’s heart in His hands. Should my daddy die, he’ll wake up in Heaven seeing Jesus’ face.”
Anyway, I typed up the update on daddy posted just a bit ago and called mom to read it to her. After she approved it, I shared with her about this morning and how the lesson ministered to me just as much as I hope it ministered to those sitting in my class and she read to me the devotional she’d read today.
It’s dated July 16, 2017 – but she’s a day behind and read two – reading yesterdays today. Guess what it was about!
Lazarus dying and Martha & Mary BELIEVING in Jesus and seeing the Glory of God.
Oh, my God in Heaven.
Thy Will be Done.
I may not like it. It may hurt. It may break me in a way I’ve never known.
But I know YOU. I know you’re good. I know you work anything for YOUR good.
I know you catch my tears in your hands. I know you hold me there too.
I know you hear my prayers – those out loud and those whispered in the depths of my heart.
Thank you, God. Thank you for my daddy.
Thank you for the lessons he’s taught me.
Thank you for using heartbreaking circumstances to draw us closer than we’d ever been.
Thank you for the sermons I’ve dozed through and the sermons I might be able to repeat word for word if I tried.
Thank you for loving me. Even when I’m mad and questioning your goodness or timeline.
Be with my daddy. Be with my mama. Be with my brother. Be with me as we face the scary unknown of next Monday.
In your Son’s most Holy and Sacrificial name,