Melancholy…

mel·an·chol·y/ˈmelənˌkälē/   Adjective: Sad, gloomy, or depressed.

I’ve been feeling melancholy lately… I’m not able to put my finger on exactly what it causing it.

It may have something to do with the music I’ve been into lately.
For example… I’ve just discovered Sam Bradley (who I really like!)
Here are the words to one of his songs called Sea Blue:

Sky is clearin, city scrapes my eyes
Ocean is not movin, I cry
Wind blows through the doorway
It chills me to the core
Sea blue on the horizon
I can’t feel blue for that much longer
So pack up your belongings
And crystallize your conscience
To live for love is clearly nonsense
We seem to need a whole lot more
The world’s steady population
Defines that you’re the only one
Been fooled my many imitations
I’m done, I’m done
So kiss the world goodnight now
It’s you I want to hold
Rain at my window
These walls don’t shelter cold
So pack up your belongings
And crystallize your conscience
To live for love is clearly nonsense
We seem to need a whole lot more
(guitar)
So pack up your belongings
And crystallize your conscience
To live for love is clearly nonsense
We seem to need a whole lot more
The sky is clearin’
City scrapes on lies
Ocean is not movin’
I cry

Here is the video for this song…


Who knows… maybe it is just that I’m getting older, but I don’t *feel* older.
I posted a bunch of pictures from camp years gone by recently on facebook.  I look at myself through the years and see myself changing size and shape, and maybe looking a little older, but I still feel like that girl I see in the pictures. 
 
I’ve also run across pictures of myself from high school.  In one I’m wearing a half-shirt (yes people I did actually wear a half shirt) and I can see my stomach muscles.  I think it just makes me sad that I’m not so young and carefree anymore.
 
NOT SAYING THAT I WANT TO EXCHANGE WHAT I HAVE FOR THAT – just remembering how fun and free-spirited I was.
 
I posted to one of the teens from church recently that she needed to enjoy each day of her senior year because that young freedom only comes at that one stage of your life.  I even admitted to being spun in circles by another student while he held me by my ankles.
If someone picked me up by my ankles to swing me now I don’t know what I’d do.  Have a heart attack maybe?
 
Okay… now no one start getting concerned.  I’m not so blue that I’m going to do anything crazy (though a nose piercing has been mentioned in many conversations recently).  I just felt the need to vent it out.
And now I’m going to go back to listening to my melancholy music.
…because that’s what we do, isn’t it – when we’re down we listen to music that feeds our mood instead of reversing it?
 
SCRATCH THAT – I’m gonna listen to something that makes me want to dance.
(If you haven’t gotten to Britney Spears yet… she’s #2 on the playlist below)
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